Of course I have resolutions for 2015. But before I can take my step forward. I need to reflect on what I have learnt over 2014.
“For when you take one step forward, one foot is still left behind” – Walter Lynch 2010
Throughout 2014 I have experienced the deepest lows of my life, but I have found it is possible to find your way out. Even if it looks impossible. My heart felt so much pain I thought it would stop beating. I wanted to give up. But I didn’t, and I’m happy.
Why is it in life we let others effect our happiness, to the point we can almost give up on ourselves. I have learnt that I am on my individual path, as is everyone else. I can not let myself hurt because of someone else’s choices in life. There choices are destined to mould them in to the people they are supposed to be, should they learn from the lessons.
I hid from the world hiding from choices that were out of my control. Feeling ashamed that I had put my trust in someone that had the ability to ruin me. However, when I look back I was hiding from myself.
When things got to much I would hide 60 miles away at my dads house. Until one day he said, “You can’t run away from yourself” he was right, I was giving myself the hardest judgement. Why did I care of what people thought of the choices I didn’t make. Or more importantly the choices I do make.
I often tell my friends we all live life through different eyes. So may never understand the choices of other minds.
People that knew me, know me. The others are just random pictures that float past on my path in life.
I will love again! But I need to love me more.
Which lucky for me isn’t so hard, for when you have a child you can’t possibly love anything more. She is apart of me.
In my self pity I overdosed on videos and books, of how to get myself out of the depression I was feeling. I have learnt that just by wanting to come out of it, is part of the fight. Understanding that life is unexpected, up and down, comforting, scary, exciting, magical, you can’t predict it. So enjoy the ride! There is no ride more thrilling then life.
We are all destined for the same ending on earth and that’s death. We know we are lucky to see past 100 years. So don’t give up absorb all you can. For we don’t know what’s next.
I have felt a few heartbreaks in my time, but none as intense as what I have felt the past year and a bit. But I walked away stronger and wiser.
So of course I have new year resolutions. I am excited for the things I know I am capable of achieving. But the mind set I endure would not have been possible without the lessons I have learnt and continue to learn.
He made me feel content, it was the first time I had felt it. But having felt it, even for a little bit, I was able to find that feeling within myself. I was able to find peace and a balance within myself.