A close person called me. They are feeling down and regretful over an abortion that they once had. Deeper in the conversation, she reveals how she felt tricked into it. He had told her that he did want kids with her, that they haven’t spent enough time just them. So in mutual agreement it wasn’t the time.
De ja vu, I had heard the same lines. For me, I knew the lines that must have been taught in all boys classes, made no sense to my particular situation. So even though I had the same said they could not be applied to my personal decision. We had planned to get pregnant, there could only be one choice! It’s a shame her dad still tried to get the clinic right up until 24 weeks pregnant, when I had to seriously explain it wasn’t going to happen. He changed his mind so how could I listen to anything he had to say after.
I explained to this person that she was a strong woman and would not have gone through with it if she didn’t really want to. As my boyfriend managed to get me to the clinic 4 times, But I walked out every time. This wasn’t a situation I wanted to bring a child into, but we knew what we were doing and life isn’t a game.
For my friend it was finding out everything he had said was pure lies, that she couldn’t settle with. It made her feel betrayed and stupid. To make matters worse he now talks to her like s#!t. I can’t help, but tell her my situation is the same even though I went through with my pregnancy. I still have to take constant abuse. He calls me a bad mum, he tells me I’m stupid and immature for keeping my child, he swears and shouts at me for no reason. Like I have said before I could go on forever but he is not worth my writing time or your reading time. My point is, she made a lucky escape.
I have been in that place where you yearn for a child you have let go of, I was so against abortions until I had one at 23. You enter a place where you can’t forgive yourself.
Does God think bad of me?
What if I’m not lucky enough to have another one?
Will I get pregnant again?
Was that my child?
Could I have been strong enough to cope?
They would have been born on this date, this old on that date…
Am I a bad person?
Am I a murderer?
What ever the aftermath thoughts are, they are always haunting.
But please ladies don’t beat yourself up, your time will come. Just know that there is never really a right time to have a baby. A friend of mine miscarried twice after an abortion she had at 16, if you do struggle to get pregnant afterwards, there is help out there. There are procedures you can take to improve your chances.
So although I have moments of overwhelming sadness, as I feel so low about my current situation. I hear the pain from a woman who had a recent abortion and it reminds me of the loss and regret I felt for years after. I know if my baby wasn’t here I would be really grieving for her. So seen as I kept her, I am going to abort the man who tried to bully me into getting rid of her aka her dad. I wanted him to have a relationship with his daughter, but he lost my effort in that when he put his hands on me. So I have deleted all contact details and blocked him on everything. If we can abort babies then let’s make sure we can abort the negative people in our lives!
My advice to women who suffer from abortion regret, let it go. It sounds easier said then done, but it’s gone so you have to. I am not going to give you the feel good for a second speech because I have been in your situation. I found myself clinging onto the boy I had an abortion with in hope of getting back my baby, but as soon as I let go of the abortion I was able to let go of him.
Forgive yourself! This world is hard enough, if you wasn’t ready you have done the right thing. There was a reason you had an abortion so you need to focus on them reasons. It’s time to make your decision worthwhile and carry on achieving your goals. Accept that you may never be the same again. You will notice more baby everything and it will seem like your surrounded by them. I can’t take away the emotions you feel. But your not alone in feeling them and it is normal. You need to forgive yourself. I need to forgive myself for the falling in love with the wrong person mistake.
I may not have the inspirational words to make you feel better, but I want you all to know that I am here for you. So as of this week I am taking a stand for all women who have been slightly pressured into having abortions or have had an abortion they regret. I will do this by not speaking to the ex/father of my child for the next 12 weeks (the suitable period to have an abortion) I will re evaluate in 12 weeks time. The only conversation we will have is about the time of dropping my daughter off to see him, that’s if he bothers to make the effort. But other then that he will not get nothing out of me. I am aborting him until further notice. It may seem like an easy thing to do, but keeping a child for that man/boy has made my life hell, so now it’s a war. This is just the start. The biggest revenge is happiness!
Please don’t take offence to anything I have wrote it’s a sensitive subject and I can only write from my experience and from the situations around me.