As I lie next to him, why is it for the first time ever I feel happy. He has abandoned me, hurt me, belittled me, kicked, spat and s#!t on me.

Yet I still let him come love me and drop me. Over and over again. He reminds me that he don’t love me anymore then he tells me he loves me. Why I let him mess with my mind I don’t understand. Why he messes with my mind when I have his daughter I don’t understand. How am I supposed to be this mum I don’t know how to be when I am constantly being dragged down by a broken heart.

I trusted and believed in you and now your showing me I was wrong to do so. It don’t matter if I have known you most my life, truth is did I ever really know you.

Now I look the fool because all the judgmental people seemed to have got you right. So as you lie here in my bed why do I feel happy what has really changed because let’s skip to the next day and I find out your cheating all over again. Again you remind me your not with me, so why do you spend everyday with me. Why have I been letting you. Having your child has made me weak and a prisoner to you.

I’ like Nicki Minaj Pills n Potions. I’m angry but I still love you. I ask you who you trust more then me, you say no one. So why are you doing this?

Skip a day forward and I ask for your support and you say no. So now again I sit here alone. But this has to be it. I have to see that this person who I believed cared, no longer cares! He no longer cares! He may have never cared! It’s ok you made a mistake. It’s time to move on.

I sat there lost your talking and I’m looking in your eyes. I have no idea of what your saying anymore, all I know is that I can’t do this to myself anymore. I feel as I am passing you anything that I have held on to. So when you finish talking I say, “it’s fine” I have no idea what you have said. But all I know is you don’t deserve me. I look at my smaller frame, my weaker hair, my dark puffy eyes, you are making me ill. Your the poison in my medicine.

I have to, I will, I am letting go!

(I wanted to write this as honestly as I could, so it has not been edited. I apologise for any mistakes)


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